Special to Sisters Got Soul
If you were brought up in a religion, you may have been told repeatedly that ‘sex before marriage is wrong’. Today, I’m going to challenge the concept of marriage.
Before I begin, I just want to point out that I’m not against marriage (I promote it a lot through my work), however, I want to challenge the idea of what marriage is.
With divorce rates rising, we have to look at the current model and evaluate whether or not it’s still working. It may have served past generations, but as society has changed, the family structure has broken down, and women are no longer stay-at-home mums while their husbands support the family financially. Women are now more often the bread-winner, while raising their children (if they have them) at the same time.
The idea of getting married before having children, along with being able to stay home and raise your children while your husband goes to work – is an out-dated one. Many women still hold on to this dream, and are ending up reaching menopause with still no sign of a husband or baby.
So what to do??
If you are deeply religious, you may need to ‘change your mind’ about the ‘no sex before marriage’ rule. This is because it’s unrealistic in today’s society. I’m not suggesting you become promiscuous, but to let go of the idea of marrying without getting to know the brother properly – in every way. Sex should be the last piece in the puzzle, whether you are religious or not.
I would also like to dispute the concept of ‘marriage’ itself. In Year One of my Self-help novel ‘Journey of a Sister’, the main character challenges the concept of the ‘white wedding’ and discovers what ‘fornication’ really is. In church, I grew up being taught that fornication meant ‘sex before marriage’. Upon doing my own research after asking God for ‘the Truth!’, I discovered it didn’t mean that at all! Find out what it really means by downloading Year One FREE this weekend!
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against marriage, as you can see from my painting ‘Love Bump’. The painting illustrates Year 11 of my novel, where the couple are celebrating their first year of wedded bliss, and the imminent birth of their first child together – but before they reached the point of the ‘white wedding’, they were spiritually, mentally and emotionally ‘married’; the wedding was just the outer consummation of the relationship that they had already built. It was a Spiritual Union, not superficial.
Before getting married they lived together, and really took the time to get to ‘know’ each other. If you are planning on having children, marriage is a firm foundation to raise a family, but sometimes life doesn’t work out that way, and God will not judge you if you have children outside of wedlock (speaking from experience). It wasn’t God who came up with the idea of the ‘white wedding’. A Spiritual Union and a marriage of minds are much more important to God.
Many people get married the Western way, but that doesn’t mean they’re ‘together’. There are many married women who still feel like they’re single, and many married couples who are just going through the motions, but are not truly connected on a mental, spiritual or even sexual level.
I empathize for my church brothers and sisters who feel under pressure to get married quickly so that they can have sex without guilt or shame. But is the ring, wedding dress, honeymoon, and signing the register more important than a mental and spiritual union?
Marriage is not something that should be rushed into!
Co–habiting before marriage is much more common now. The Daily Telegraph reported that ‘younger couples who live together before marrying are more likely to stay together past the seven year itch than their parents’ generation suggesting ‘living in sin’ makes marriage stronger’.
At the launch of the First Edition of my Self-help book ‘How to Get the Ring On Your Finger’ the topic of the ‘white wedding’ came up. We discussed whether we as Africans and their descendents should be seeking to continue our relationships the Western way. Is it working for us? I believe it’s time for us to re-define what marriage is: How did our ancestors marry? How did our families function before being destroyed by slavery and colonialism? The black family used to be a strong unit, which reflected in a strong commUNITY. It’s time to put the spirituality back into our relationships, and build a firm foundation for the next generation.
Marriage can be a beautiful thing, if done the right way. Can you imagine being happily married to your soul mate, feeling totally connected with him (or her) on a spiritual, mental, emotional and physical level? Can you image feeling as if there is a higher force at the centre of your union?
If you feel your life has a higher purpose than being a wife and mother, don’t let society tell you any different.
Marriage isn’t for everyone
Why didn’t I marry?
I told my ‘her story’ in my book ‘How to Get the Ring On Your Finger’ of how got engaged twice, but wasn’t ready for marriage. I wasn’t whole and healed, and kept sabotaging my relationships. I’ve spent the last 15 years working on my Self, which called for me to be very Self-ish and Self-centered. Along my healing journey I wrote and recorded numerous poems, painted my first collection ‘Nature’s Art’, and wrote two Self-help books (which feature my artwork and poetry). I’m now better able to serve my commUNITY and help us heal, so we can progress to healthy sustainable relationships, and raise the next generation to be mentally free. I am now past child-bearing age, so if I had waited to have children before getting married, I would have missed out on the opportunity to have children!
Download my Year One of my Self-help novel ‘Journey of a Sister’ FREE this weekend: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01DWJOUT2
Get a FREE e-book of ‘How to Get the Ring On Your Finger’ when you subscribe at: www.journeyofasister.com
Listen to my poem ‘R U The One?’ which I wrote on behalf of my single sisters, to all single brothers!
Direct link: https://soundcloud.com/cezannepoetess/r-u-the-one-1
In your service,
Cezanne Taharqa aka Cezanne Poetess
Visual & Spoken Word Artist, Author, Blogger, Events Host